Sunday, 5 June 2011

Azerothian utopia, dystopia, whatever...

First off:  I have impetigo on my faceLess than a week before I get married.  For those of you that are lucky enough to not know what it looks like you can see it in all its glory here.  That isn't my chin and mine isn't that bad (and thanks to the wonders of health care on a Sunday and mega doses of antibiotics it hopefully won't get that bad), but  I do expect sympathetic comments by the dozen.  Yes, /sympathy does count.  Beggars can't be choosers. 

In the spirit of trying to cheer me up (or something), Himself decided to tell me what he plans to say when the Registrar rings this week to do the final 'marriage chat-ette' thing they do now. Himself's view is he'll say something along the lines of "Pilf.... who?  Ohhhhhhhh, Pilf!  Yes. The one I marry soon.  Hopefully this English girl will stay married to me, so I can stay in England, yes..?" (Because that's the sort of thing Himself finds amusing when I'm having 'wedding fret'...) And I told him he had the dodgiest pseudo-Eastern Europe/Russian/whatever accent imaginable (he did.  It was terribad...) Which (somehow) led on to us discussing Turkmenistan.  There is a reason that this is a Warcraft post.  You just need patience.

For those of you who don't know, Turkmenistan was, until December 2006, ruled by a... fairly eccentric dictator (this isn't a political blog, nor is it a political post, this is for teh lols, ok); the self -styled Türkmenbaşy who had a habit (it seems) of being a trifle... capricious.  Amongst the things he banned were: ballet, opera, circuses, long hair (on men) and beards (presumably on both sexes), dogs (from the capital city), libraries (outside the capital city because the only books people needed to read were the Koran and the book he had written), the use of lip-synching at concerts, gold teeth, and most epically, in my opinion, smoking, after heart surgery meant he could no longer smoke.  It's the last one that pleases me the most.  That 'if I have to suffer then dammit, everyone in my country will suffer with me!' view of the world.

In Azeroth therefore, I would introduce mandatory sparkle-form for warlocks.  Or maybe not mandatory... just a 75% damage reduction debuff when you aren't in sparkleform.  All warlock headpieces would look like this:

(And the 'hide helmet' option would be grayed out in the Interface Options)

There would be added Tinkerbell stylee sparkle sound effects when casting a spell.  And pink minions, a la Saga.  And spell effects that are no longer threatening balls of dark matter but stars, kinda like this:

Soooooooooooo. If you could outlaw/enforce anything in Azeroth - what would you choose? Serious, insane, funny, downright bizzare and bonkers. All donations are welcome, and will be donated to the good cause of Making Pilf Laugh Even Though She's Pissed Off.


  1. /sympathy

    when i was a little girl and was crying (for any reason) my granny used to say "it will all be alright by the time you get married" - i don't remember ever being comforted by that saying, but it evolved into a running joke in my family ;-)

    i sincerly hope it will be true for you though! and there's always tons of make-up for us ladies at least.

    on the other subject: i think i would outlaw rogues :-> or even better, eliminate all their stuns, kicks and other irritating skills *heh*

  2. I would ban world PvP. Even on PvP realms. I hate minding my own business, leveling or farming, and getting killed by some idiots 20 levels above me. Or even 1 level above me, when I'm NOT paying attention to whatever the fuck hordies are doing in that area.

    As for offtopic - Kaorin, I never thought that saying exists in English! That's what my mum said too and I never found it any comfort :P

    Also, /sympathy. You have a week to go and it sounds enough to make it go away :)

  3. Ooh, poor you, Pilf. Been stressed out a bit? *sends healing thoughts, also wheatgerm oil blended with lavender and gently applied to the affected area*

    It'll be all gone in no time and you'll be the radiant bride you want to be :)

    What would I ban from WoW.........? Hmm. People who don't loot everything off of skinnables. You *will* auto-loot everything (also in dungeons - I don't pay enough attention to whose loot it actually is [usually because one of the deeps is all 'hurry, hurry; the parental controls lock me out in 5 minutes'] so just right-click everything that's sparkly, leaving me with the vendor trash clogging my bags. The gold from selling it's nice though.) so that if you don't skin the beast you just killed, someone else can. Non-skinnable corpses will also despawn faster, allowing for the mobs to spawn a bit faster in some cases. I think.

    And using negative emotes (like /spit, /slap, etc) for no good reason. For every kind dorf who /cheers when I score an achievement nearby, there's a nelf who /slaps me as he runs past. I haven't done anything other than be a belf in the vicinity. Grrrr. I get that we're opposing factions, and in BGs all bets are off (not that I go to them often. Ever.), but out in the wider world, there's bigger issues at hand. Big nasty dragons etc!

  4. @ Kao - hulloes!! And thanks for the slashes :) I'm gonna oput my faith in your grandma and hope she's right! I too would outlaw rogues - but only because I could stop feeling bad about my inability to L2play them...

    @ Jen - I'd ban PvP. Period. Actually I might not be that harsh. It makes me /shudder but I just avoid it. And I'm waaaaaaaaaay too chicken to ever play on a PvP realm....

    @ Pulse - heh you can check ma radiance on Friday night :)))) /concur re skinnables - and just looting in general. My old GM used to utterly flip out over vent if someone didn't loot whilst we were raiding... he reckoned every copper helped! I also get confused by random unpleasant emotes. I'm pretty bad with emotes in general (although in Rift I'm reasonably good at remembering to /bow to anyone who comes to my aid at the point where I realise that, no, I can't shut this Rift that I thought I could shut solo on my own, halp!, halp!)but I'm always utterly confused by nasty emoting random person x...

  5. Oh no! I hope you get better quickly!

    I'm with Jen on the world PvP thing.

  6. @Jen: i just translated the saying, since i'm Austrian, i only know the german version ;-)

    @Pilf: tell me about it, my lowie worgen rogue is rotting around in sw *heh* but i equipped him with a tux and the great top hat from the starters area, so at least he looks dashing on the login screen :->

  7. Poor Pilf ! Take care, take a hug ! Don't worry, everything will be perfect for your marriage, and what won't be exactly like you hope it will be will make great memories for the future.

    If I could enforce something on Azeroth ? At the moment, I wish I could make my guildies fish in pools. And sitting on *my* rooftop would not be allowed.

  8. @ Kam - thanks! And, without being too cryptic - thanks for the non WoW present! Card will be en route post wedding *hugs*

    @Kaorin - yes, he does look dashing! You SHOULD play him ;p

    @ Kinie - I assume fishing is a guild achievement thingy? And *your* rooftop - tell me moar...!

  9. @Pilf: I used to hate PvP in general, but now I'm doing Arena and BGs and loving them! The big difference is that I get to *choose* to do them. (I don't willingly play on PvP servers, but I have friends on them... so I sometimes end up getting ganked. One more reason for me to like that paid RealID grouping thing :P)

    @Kaorin: Still fun that two languages that are so different have a weird saying in common :) (I'm Romanian.)