Monday, 17 May 2010

Tentative steps

So y'all remember Shad right? Actually, you probably don't because I server transferred her then I got caught up in Pilf/Sassi and I neglected her hugely. Mainly because, as mentioned numerous times, I don't want to get my head back into raiding. Jae said something that basically sums up exactly how I feel, on my previous post: "Nah, I wouldn't have had to quit raiding before if I didn't have issues with moderation. I raid everyday so that I don't fall behind the others, I keep checking what I can improve obsessively, until it becomes more like a job than a game." This, this, one thousand times this. This is exactly how I was. Exactly.

Especially when I raid led. I'd check the sign-ups during work, I'd fret and worry; too many and then we'd have to drop down to a 10-man and people would bitch and whinge and want to drop out which would mean I would have to do the raider-switcheroo and then people would want to bring alts along, and those that only had one raiding 'main' would kick off because 'omfg if we have to do 10 man shit then we could at least do it quickly and get it the fuck out of the way and tbh the badges aren't even fucking worth it. Wtf is with gearing up fucking alts, omfg...' Conversely, too many and then I'd have to do raid slotting - trying to be both 'fair' and give the group the best shot, not easy. Eventually (!) we got big enough to run 4 10-mans and 2 groups of 25. You don't even want to know how complex that was. We tried everything splitting the raider rank into two groups - trying to mix up the sorted and the less so, trying to avoid massive personality conflicts, ensuring that the officers were spread out between the two groups. It was an utter nightmare which resulted in two incomplete farcial runs and much rage.

And in amongst this was me and Kin, another officer, long term friend, my co-RL (for his sins), deserved object of my devotion for keeping the guild running almost single-handed on occasion. Even post a massive car accident with a broken arm and a broken leg he was there on vent, chivvying, encouraging; eventually he taught himself to basically play one handed. I know this is getting close to the 'no-life' thing, but it was commitment to his guild that made him do it. I could write a series of posts about this guy and not get bored of singing his praises. Don't tell me that it's 'just a game' when you meet people who change your life for the better. Where we we before I had a breathless moment? Oh yes, Kin and I, running round like mad things, soothing and massaging egos as necessary, talking down conflicts, talking up players who needed a chance, I did carrot, he did stick, sometimes we swapped... Having a co-RL by the way, was my salvation, he kept me sane on many occasions (sometimes it was reciprocated, his real life was extremely.. complex), stopped me quitting, never failed to say something in officer chat that would turn me from being on the brink of tears to smiling. His patience was extraordinary. I miss a lot of my Syn guildies and friends who have re-rolled RL, but missing Kin is with me every day - no-one says 'Pilf' the way he does (Glaswegian accents being ftw, people) His commitment to Syn is now a double-edged sword for me, he rolled an alt on AD to say hi but doesn't have the time to split himself between two guilds. Also, in a horrendously cruel twist of fate, his eyes are failing and at the ripe old age of 33 he's awaiting cornea transplants, even with a huge pull down screen he struggles with gaming now.

So I've avoided getting into a new guild with a 'main' and raiding again. However I'm a firm believer in the Fates (along with Pilf) and after a great deal of discussion finally applied to a AD guild who do raid, but not in a 'you have to raid' way. I put my cards on the table re my raiding views on my app and yesterday I took Shad to her new home. It feels weird, being the new girl again, for sure. With SAN, few people knew each other so we were all on a similar unequal footing. This isn't the same, these are people who have known each other for years but it seems good. Gchat has the requisite quantity of piss taking banter and everyone's been very friendly. As soon as I can work out the confidence to get on vent I'll be away and nattering happily, but I want to spend a few days a bit quietly, just getting the lie of the land sorted in my head. And who knows, maybe, just maybe, I'll get my head back into end game and re-think my raid stance in Cata.


  1. \o/ that's really awesome, I hope you get along with them and it goes well for you!

    Sad about Kin though :< Hope he's okay.

  2. Thanks Jae - I'm equally excited and terrified...!